Strange & Beautiful

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the frist thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do

I'm preparing myself to totally bomb my Lit Exam with Tomek at 8 in the morning.
The last time I stressed over something this much was my freshman year History Exam, and I bombed the living hell out of it. But the difference between the two is that I went to every lit class and actually paid attention, so I thought I was set.. but I'm not. Its over 220 points, and its all "Short Discussions" and "Discussions".. I'm sick to my stomach about it, and the stress from this weeks exams gave me a damn stress ulcer in my mouth, which just adds to the terribleness of this week. Why so terrible? .. not just exams... but I honestly have felt like I was the only one in my entire apartment who had to take exams.. oh wait................ I WAS! .. So what do they do all week?

PARTY

And I have been extremely unable to study because of them.  They know how much I have had to do all week and still have left, yet they have had people over to drink every night, and during the day EVERYONE COMES OVER! WTF.... does nobody else in this entire city have exams but ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats what it feels like!!! Ah, oh well... karma will get em or their grades! (i hope)

- -

On a for real note.. I'll be a senior in 13 hours. Thats all I have to get through before summer..

and then its work work work, and get my fat ass no good body in shape from having 6 months off.. I can only pray that with training my hip will hold out. Less than a year....and my body gets a break.

I'm ready.. so ready to start my life outside of college with Jeremy.

It's a shame we're only 21.. and kicked in the ass with college payments and lack of money.

Christmas...... its so nice to have a break isnt it?

It keeps me sane.

This whiskey drink calms me down..

...playing on a severely hurt hip isnt the most fun. Honestly if I wasnt going to get to see my family in about a week and a half I wouldnt be putting myself through this. I HAVE to travel and see them. They are worth the pain just to see their faces because they can bring me back to earth

So my birthday is next wednesday. I'm gonna be 21... but I cant celebrate it. No drinking... and also noone to celebrate with. Jeremy will be busy alllll day and alll night....... Fuck Rush Week.

Fuck first semester and my birthday and soccer...

Fading..

I cant explain my hatred enough for this man. Yet every year I come back for more of his shit.
I wish my family was rich, as another means of paying for school. I can only put up with this crap because I need the scholarship so bad. If it werent for Jeremy, I would probably cry myself to sleep every night because of how frustrating everything is.  The new group of girls are so sweet and fun, but that hasnt changed a thing about coach, not one....single......damn......THING! I really like to think that Im mentally tough and can get through this shit, but honestly I cant remember that last time that man put a smile on my face.

SOCCER WHERE THE FUCK DID THE FUN PART OF YOU GO?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love soccer

i love soccer

i love soccer

i love soccer

i love soccer

i love soccer

i love soccer

i love soccer

i love soccer

..........hmmmmm..... i remember when I used to love the game. It seems like college really has turned my love for soccer into something totally different. It really is a job.. a job that makes your body ache day and night.  The last three months i havent even touched a soccer ball! We decided that we are now the cross country team, the swim team, the golf team, and the football team, because we run 5+ miles every day like the cross country team, we swim...we run the golf course over and over again, and we run hours of stadiums every week. I USED TO TOUCH SOCCER BALLS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! I swear, my coach is clueless. He worries about messing up our PRACTICE field bc its wet.....but thats what its for PRACTICE. Instead.. we run...dont touch any balls, and then he signs us up to play in tournaments against realllly good teams that we play during regular season, and then he wonders why we dont perform very well. LET US PLAY ON THE FUCKIN FIELD! I yi yi..... ok i needed to rant a little :)

So onto some depressing news, Mo one of our really good football players committed suicide today. When I got the call about it, my mouth dropped to the floor.  He had SOOOOOOOO much talent and a GREAT personality, but he got involved in some stuff that really tore him down.. and thats so scary to see.  One day he's here, and the next he's not.  I know he's in a better place now, but I also hope that the other football players can handle everything alright, and I hope they can learn from Mo. I really hope.

..........now onto happy things.......

I GET TO GO HOME IN 8 DAYS! 8 DAYS!!
I'm so excited to see my family, im so excited to be able to take allison and jeremy home.  Jeremy has already been home with me a few times, but allison is a virgin. HA i just wanted to say virgin. lol but anyways im soooooooooo excited.  I get to spend 3 days? at home, and then 2 days white water rafting, and then the rest of spring break in MYRTLE beach!!! Our condo is the SHIT, im sooooooo pumped for it!! :)

ok, my fingers are freezing so no more blogging.

i love jeremy :)